2002-10-03 - 5:54 p.m.

"i'm at that stage in life where you stop looking at things and asking 'do i enjoy this?' instead you look at everything around you and ask, 'could i do that?' " -- rain, applebutter.diaryland.com

yes, i feel that. though i am not yet at the point of being faced with needing to DO SOMETHING, it is waiting for me just a few paces down the road.

I went to a community meeting this afternoon. Wilson has these at least once a semester, twice I think, but I'd never been before. I went to this one because the theme was "And yet... we're here" which intrigued me. It was pretty cool. I talked to a few new people and ate delicious chocolate-espresso chip cookies. We were randomly assigned to tables for discussion of why we came here and what we find ourselves challenged by. It still frustrated me when I brought up not feeling academically challenged, they told me that you get out of something what you put into it... and I don't think that's it, this time, right now. maybe i'm deluding myself, or maybe i'm perpetually discontent. i worry about the human species sometimes. nothing ever seems to make us as happy as we feel we should be.

anyway, so the comment my group formed when we reconvened to share with the larger group was that warren wilson is about "following your heart, finding your balance, and demanding more from your experience." Yes. more. i need to demand more. demand academic challenge, and attention to academics. demand a work program that runs on student skills, student needs, and campus needs, not quirky politics and staff whims. what i need to do-- what i'm trying to get up the nerve to do-- is have a talk with the dean of students. i want to finish out my four years (which might end up being four and a half) here, but i don't want to miserable while doing so. shall i leave a footprint? will that be a bad thing?

Warren Wilson legend: Aurora told me, her boss told her. thirty years ago, on the top floor of what is now my dorm, there was a girl who had mental problems to which she was very well adjusted, and no one really worried about her. she had a crush on a girl down the hall from her. this girl, the crush object, did not have a lock on her door, so her habit was to push a piece of furniture in front of the door. one day, someone working outside had carelessly left an axe laying about. so the girl with slight mental problems picked up the axe and chopped down the door to her crush object's room, then proceeded to chop at the girl's face! Again and again. The suitemate ran in and ended up getting chopped at too. Staff ran in, called 911, the girl simply set down the axe and calmly said, "okay, it's done." She was placed in the Dorothea Dix mental institution, where she lives to this day. the victim went under major facial reconstructive surgery, had to quit school, but lived on and supposedly looks quite normal now.

it's a strange thing mystifying, this place in which i dwell. magical, yet dark at times... people leave, people go crazy, people stay their entire lives, people attempt suicide, people change the world.

Faery drawing by Brian Froud. Border pattern by Infinite Fish. Designed by Dust.