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2003-11-12 - 6:04 p.m.

�Remember who you are,� said the woman with a British accent on the videotape. �You represent Walt Disney�s legacy. Have pride in that, like Simba in The Lion King.� I stifled my laughter.

My boss told me to straighten the Finding Nemo plush, so I did. But then she said it wasn�t straight enough, so I straightened again, and I asked her if it looked better. She looked down her nose at me and said, �I�m going to trust that it does.� Well, excuse me for seeking approval�I thought it looked fine when you said it wasn�t straight enough. I swear, that woman hates me. There should be no hate in The Disney Store!

Everything has been hectic the last few weeks� fall break found me in West Virginia, with my brother the puppeteer and his friends who are younger than me. Then academics went boom and I realized I was flunking Bio. I feel so galacticly stupid. I seem to feel that way often. Always stupid, always seeking approval, always screwing up and facing the consequences and saying, I swear, that woman hates me.

As I type this, I�m watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer on FX. I wish I had super strength and could take down vampires and demons and (on this particular episode) a giant praying mantis. Of course, the whole thing is really just an allegory about surviving adolescence, and I�m doing okay at that� wait, I�m twenty-one. When does adolescence end, exactly?

So, after I realized I was flunking Bio and pulled out, I missed a doctor�s appointment, and then my car broke down. Bad luck? Um, yeah. Luckily the car was fixed within 24 hours, but damn, talk about an inconvenience. And $300 on my credit card bill. So I didn�t tell my parents about the Bio grade, because I wanted their help paying for the car. Now I struggle with trying to graduate in May as planned. My parents want me to be the good child who gets out of college in four years, unlike my brother who�s been in and out since 1997.

Well, no more good child for me. No giant praying mantises. No novels written, millions made overnight. (�I want to be a paperback writer��)

Fuck it, this whole life thing has gone too far, nothing�s going right� except for love, there is always love and I sometimes forget how lucky I am to have someone to come home to�or, rather, someone who comes home to me at 11:30 each night and crawls quietly into bed after I�m asleep, who I kiss on the way out the door each morning...

Life is always worth living when there is love. There is more to life than love, I know this, but right now, love is all I've got.


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